Policy Press
3 ‘At YOUR age???!!!’: the constraints of ageist erotophobia on older people’s sexual and intimate relationships
-
Paul Simpson
Abstract
It is impossible to talk about sex without talking about relationships or modes of relating, yet sexual relations are assumed to be the preserve of the young. So it seems when older people’s attempts to express sexuality or intimacy are commonly met with ridicule, condescension and infantilisation (Simpson et al, 2017). The quote in the chapter title, though fictional, is no less believable, but might seem incredible if not offensive to quite a few older people. Indeed, we can see the mockery of ageing and later life, and particularly of a presumed cognitive, aesthetic, physical and sexual decline, writ large in birthday cards for those aged 40 plus (Bytheway, 1995; Simpson et al, 2018b). This mockery reveals the casual, normalised nature of ageism in consumerist societies, where ageing can be seen as an individual pathology to be avoided (Biggs and Daatland, 2006). The anxieties occasioned by consumerist-driven ageism could well be responsible for the proliferation of sales of age-defying (denying?) cosmetics, as well as the increase in ‘rejuvenating’ cosmetic surgery, which Eagleton (2003) has theorised as an attempt to deny or stave off mortality.
Unlike many other forms of prejudice, ageism directed towards older people seems to be fair game. It also operates more under the radar of consciousness. It is worth noting that ageism can affect the young, who can be defined as insubstantial, inexperienced and the like, though, unlike later life, youth can be regarded as a transitory, experimental stage en route to maturity and usually experiences ageism less intensely (Bytheway, 1995; Simpson, 2015). In terms of ageism as applied to sex and intimacy, older people are stereotypically cast as prudish and beyond interest in such matters (Mahieu et al, 2014).
Abstract
It is impossible to talk about sex without talking about relationships or modes of relating, yet sexual relations are assumed to be the preserve of the young. So it seems when older people’s attempts to express sexuality or intimacy are commonly met with ridicule, condescension and infantilisation (Simpson et al, 2017). The quote in the chapter title, though fictional, is no less believable, but might seem incredible if not offensive to quite a few older people. Indeed, we can see the mockery of ageing and later life, and particularly of a presumed cognitive, aesthetic, physical and sexual decline, writ large in birthday cards for those aged 40 plus (Bytheway, 1995; Simpson et al, 2018b). This mockery reveals the casual, normalised nature of ageism in consumerist societies, where ageing can be seen as an individual pathology to be avoided (Biggs and Daatland, 2006). The anxieties occasioned by consumerist-driven ageism could well be responsible for the proliferation of sales of age-defying (denying?) cosmetics, as well as the increase in ‘rejuvenating’ cosmetic surgery, which Eagleton (2003) has theorised as an attempt to deny or stave off mortality.
Unlike many other forms of prejudice, ageism directed towards older people seems to be fair game. It also operates more under the radar of consciousness. It is worth noting that ageism can affect the young, who can be defined as insubstantial, inexperienced and the like, though, unlike later life, youth can be regarded as a transitory, experimental stage en route to maturity and usually experiences ageism less intensely (Bytheway, 1995; Simpson, 2015). In terms of ageism as applied to sex and intimacy, older people are stereotypically cast as prudish and beyond interest in such matters (Mahieu et al, 2014).
Chapters in this book
- Front Matter i
- Contents vii
- Notes on editors and contributors ix
- Series editors’ introduction xiii
- Foreword xxv
- Introduction to volume two: themes, issues and chapter synopses 1
- Consent and sexual literacy for older people 17
- ‘At YOUR age???!!!’: the constraints of ageist erotophobia on older people’s sexual and intimate relationships 35
- The aesthetic(s) of eroticism in later life 53
- Menopause and the ‘menoboom’: how older women are desexualised by culture 77
- Ageing, physical disability and desexualisation 95
- Ageing, intellectual disability and desexualisation 117
- Dancing in- or out-of-step? Sexual and intimate relationships among heterosexual couples living with Alzheimer’s disease 135
- Older people living in long-term care: no place for old sex? 153
- Ageing and the LGBTI+ community: a case study of Australian care policy 171
- The role of professionals and service providers in supporting sexuality and intimacy in later life: theoretical and practice perspectives 191
- Final reflections: themes and issues arising from the volume on desexualisation in later life 211
- Index 221
Chapters in this book
- Front Matter i
- Contents vii
- Notes on editors and contributors ix
- Series editors’ introduction xiii
- Foreword xxv
- Introduction to volume two: themes, issues and chapter synopses 1
- Consent and sexual literacy for older people 17
- ‘At YOUR age???!!!’: the constraints of ageist erotophobia on older people’s sexual and intimate relationships 35
- The aesthetic(s) of eroticism in later life 53
- Menopause and the ‘menoboom’: how older women are desexualised by culture 77
- Ageing, physical disability and desexualisation 95
- Ageing, intellectual disability and desexualisation 117
- Dancing in- or out-of-step? Sexual and intimate relationships among heterosexual couples living with Alzheimer’s disease 135
- Older people living in long-term care: no place for old sex? 153
- Ageing and the LGBTI+ community: a case study of Australian care policy 171
- The role of professionals and service providers in supporting sexuality and intimacy in later life: theoretical and practice perspectives 191
- Final reflections: themes and issues arising from the volume on desexualisation in later life 211
- Index 221
