The mental labor that keeps families afloat—and why women do most of it

Mothers and fathers use their time differently, with women spending roughly twice as many hours on family labor as men. But what about the gendered differences in the ways women and men think? What’s on Her Mind provides an illuminating look at the cognitive labor that families depend on and reveals why this essential aspect of family life is disproportionately handled by women—even in couples that aspire to practice equality.

While most accounts of household labor center on how people use their time, Allison Daminger focuses on a less visible and less easily quantifiable aspect of family life. She introduces readers to the concept of cognitive labor—anticipating, researching, deciding, and following up—and shows how women in different-gender couples do most of this critical work. She argues that cognitive labor has less to do with personality traits—for example, she’s type A while he’s laid-back—and more to do with learned skills that men and women deploy in distinct ways. Yet not all couples fall into the personality trap. Daminger looks at different-gender couples who achieve a more balanced cognitive allocation while also exploring how queer couples carve out unique relationships to the gender binary.

Drawing on original, in-depth interviews with members of different- and same-gender couples, What’s on Her Mind points to new ways of understanding the interplay between who we are as individuals and the cognitive work we do on behalf of our families.

What’s on Her Mind is a succinct and enjoyable book. Daminger writes well and thoughtfully explains her research.

An informative analysis. . . . Daminger demonstrates that although many Americans endorse gender equality, a substantial majority of women do most of the cognitive (and more than their fair share of the physical) work. She explains why and suggests how a more balanced allocation of responsibilities might be achieved.

Daminger’s work goes beyond the typical Fair Play conversation. She is most interested in the invisible work required to keep the family running, the cognitive labor that, for the most part, women are responsible for in heterosexual relationships. . . . Daminger does an incredible job of laying out the different components of cognitive labor and names that anticipating issues and monitoring results are some of the most laborious components (high burden, she calls it) but with less obvious benefits.